Link's Diary Or: My Life With a Hyperactive Fairy
by DeadeyeDave
Summary: The title says it all. This is my first posting on fanfiction.net (but not my first fic) so have fun with it! PG 13 for mild swearing and other such adultish themes.


Link's Diary Link's Diary or: My Life With A Hyperactive Fairy 

*** 

I don't feel like writing a disclaimer. So there. You already _know_ I don't own that characters anyway, so why should I reiterate? Just read. 

*** 

Day One: Finally defeated Majora's Mask. Came back to Hyrule, changed back to adult at Temple of Time, and came home for well-deserved break. And guess who was at the door? Yes! Navi is back! She wanted to stay with me beacuse, quote, "Of loyalty and friendship and crap." Yes, she's just as irritating as ever. I need some kind of cage or something... 

Signed, Link 

*** 

Day Two: The ol' tree house is as good as ever, execpt that a certian someone decided to eat all of the stores of my food while I was away...oh well, they were proably stale anyway. Actually, I can alter time in Termina, but not in Hyrule. I don't know why this is, I'll have to ask Rauru. Anyway, this means that, since it took many, many three day cycles to finally tie up all the loose ends, it all added up to about a year back home. Woo! I'm reeeeeeeealy timewarp-lagged. In domestic news, it is becoming more and more apparent that a couch and a table are not enough for a seventeen-year-old and his banzi fairy. I'm thinking of using the cash from Termina (I have a bank account, a checkbook, and a credit card all from the bank there, with a 10,000 Rupee balance!) to buy some new stuff. Maybe an annex, a bedroom, maybe a kitchen, maybe a safe with a combination lock for Navi...mmmmmmmmmmm... 

Yours, Link 

*** 

Day Five: Well, I've been surviving well enough. I'm saving up for some home improvements, so I've been foraging instead of shopping at Hyrule Market. One thing I _did_ splurge on was a "home espresso machine." I got ahold of 100 rupees one day when I sold, I swear, a pair of my underpants, signed, to a little boy from Termina. (In case you didn't know, people can now come and go between Termina and Hyrule at will...thanks to me, of course.) I felt like I was ripping him off, but he insisted. Oh well, to each his own...so anyway, it was such a bizzare way to get 100 rupees that I thought I'd do something speacial with it. So I went to Hyrule Market and I sa a small booth run by a withered old crone. 

She looked at me and said, "You are a strong young boy...you shall be the one to recive this gift from the future." I just nodded like an idiot. 

"This gift is a blessing, for it will cause alertness and heightened senses..." I nodded again, thinking it was some sort of amulet thingy. 

She continues: "But beware! For just as much as you benifit from this gift, it will as surely curse your life! For he that abuses its power will become dependant! They will become hyper and shrill. they will be up all night and talk very fast. Soon they will become so buzzed, it will destroy you all! WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" 

I felt an unnatural attraction...my hand reached for my wallet. "How...much...?" I asked. "100 rupees, not a penny less," said the wrinkled wraith. I gave her the money, and a large box with a picture of a black object on it appeared. 

"It is called 'coffee,'" said the hag. "Make it with this...the manual is within...remember what I have said..." 

I ran off in the other direction, afraid about what I had unleashed upon the world. I ran into a villager. "Where did you get that thing?" he asked. 

"From a booth right over...there..." I pointed, but saw nothing but a cloud of smoke. The smoke cleared, and there was nothing left. 

Then I remembered and said, "No, wait, it was over _there_." I pointed at the booth. "You'll live to regret this!" called the old hag. I headed home, my head full of unanswerable questions. 

Mysteriously, 

Link 

*** 

Day Six: I sucessfuly set up and used the "Espresso machine." "Coffee" tastes pretty good, but I never forgot the ravings of the strange woman. Navi _really_ likes it. She, of course, flew over and grabbed a cup. She downed it in one gulp and announced it was the most horrible thing she'd ever tasted. Then she said she wanted more. When I tried to ask her why she wanted more if it was horrible, she flew right in my face, turned red, and yelled, "Don't question my requests, you impudent scumball!" She then made two more cups herself and drank them both before flying away to mutter gibberish in a corner. I decided to leave for awhile... 

On my walk, I saw an ad for MediGoron Construction Co. (Motto: Strong, depedable, and cheap, cheap, CHEAP!) I thought it was a likely company, so I paid them a visit. Turns out that they'll get to work on my house as soon as this weekend. Great! Now all I have to do is tell them what I wanted. I wanted A bedroom and a kitchen. They said that they would charge exactly 10,000 rupees for that. Ouch! Oh well...I'll survive. I don't need a Termina bank acount anyway (the intrest rates are awful anyway) so I wrote them a check. Then the lead Goron worker, who made the offer, said that they always closed deals with a 'Goron hug.' Thank Falore for the Bunny Hood! That guy can roll! 

Link 

*** 

Day Seven: A week's gone by! Today Navi drank three cups of coffee in a 15-minute period and would have drank more if not for me. I'm beginning to see the downside of 'coffee.' The Goron people never showed up. Then they told me the check bounced! I took out my credit card, but it wasn't accepted! Arrrgh! I had to withdraw my life savings from Termina Bank and lug it home. But at least I'm getting some more room! They're going to start tomorrow. 

On my usuaul food-hunt through the Lost Woods, I batteled a Wolfols., Nave provided invalusble support cleverly disguised as comments such as "OhmigodLinklookoutforthoserazorsharpclawshelphelphelphelp." The 'coffee' buzz was still with her. Hmm...I think it's starting to affect her mental state. That's just what I need...a psycopathic coffee-high fairy in desprite need of profesional help. 

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More coming! Need some suggestions! Hope you like it! 

~DeadeyeDave 


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